W O W,   I' M    N O T    I N    T U R K E Y    A N Y M O R E !
A conversation with older MK's

Compiled by Vicki Sairs


The following discussion has been edited for clarity and ease of reading. All of the participants are students at Rosedale Bible College this year; their parents were interviewed in “Seeing the World Through Different Eyes” in the May 2006 issue of Brotherhood Beacon.

Our willing conversationalists, left to right: Cherissa
Blank, Chris Coblentz, Chad Miller, and Bethany Nisly.

• Bethany Nisly moved to Ecuador with her family when she was four and stayed there until this year, when she came back to the United States to study.


• Chad Miller's parents moved to Cyprus when he was one; three years later, the Millers moved to Turkey, where they lived for about 14 years.


• Cherissa Blank was in Papua New Guinea (PNG) with her family for over ten years, returning to the States right before her sixteenth birthday.


• Chris Coblentz spent his ninth year in Colombia, and lived in Papua New Guinea with his family for two years. He was 14 when they went to PNG.

What are the biggest challenges of being an MK?

Bethany: You meet all kinds of people and you're constantly leaving those people all the time. So you make a good friend and you leave them, immediately almost. So that's a big challenge, but you get used to it. It's okay after a while.

Cherissa: Yeah, there's constant transition going on because at the mission center there are people constantly coming and going on furloughs and even going out to the villages, and it's always changing. And there're some people where you're saying goodbye just for a time and there're others where you know you're probably never going to see them again. And there are times when you think you were just saying goodbye for a short time but then they don't end up coming back, and there's that sort of thing, too.

How did your parents help you handle that?

Bethany: They would encourage us a lot on where we were going. When we left Puerto Viejo, I was 11 and we knew we weren't going back there, and all my friends had been there. What I really love about my parents – they really involved us kids in the ministry. I believe that's very, very important if you're going to live in the field. So our parents did that a lot – they would excite us about the new ministry we were going to have. So it wasn't as hard, because it was like oh, I'll make new friends & I'll have my ministry because I'm getting older. So that made it easier.

Chad: We had another missionary family living with us when we were in Turkey, at least for the first six or seven years, but after that I didn't really have any Christian friends that were my age and so that was kind of hard. I had to make friends that were older than me, like four or five years, and that wasn't too bad. My parents were pretty helpful – they let me hop on a bus and go to a neighboring city where I had other friends that were my age.

Chris: The first year I was there some of my friends left, and I didn't like it, but then other people that were out on furlough came back in and it just switched around.

Do you ever think, “Boy I'm so glad I got to do that growing up?”

Chad: I was real happy that I grew up in another culture because I think it's good for a person, just to experience diverse cultures, meet different people. And the fact that I know another language, I really, really like that, too.

Cherissa: Along [with] what Chad was saying, just an appreciation for diversity, and understanding that just because people do things differently doesn't mean it's wrong or it's bad, but just that there's variety, and appreciating that.

What are some things you wish people knew or understood about your experience growing up in other cultures?

Cherissa: 'Where is home' or where is 'from' is not a simple question. For a lot of people it's just like, “Oh, yeah, I grew up down the road and I've lived there all my life,” but 'where is home,' 'where are you from,' especially in the stages of transition . . .Well, it can almost bring back the fact that it's like, do I really have a home, do I really have a place that I belong? And so, not to always avoid those questions, but just realize it's not as simple as it is for a lot of people.

Chris: When you go to churches to talk, your dad gives the same speech over and over and over (general outbreak of laughter, groans, hilarity). You've heard it like a million times before and you know, you just have to get up there and wave, and do that (more laughter).

Cherissa: Skip Sunday School - that helps! Like if you're going to a church, just skip the Sunday School and go to the services.

What happened in Sunday School?

Cherissa: Oh, just having to go to someplace where you don't know anybody. You're by yourself going to a church and it's like, “Wow, say something in the language!”

Chris: “Do you eat monkeys?” (Laughter.)

What are some of the funnier questions that people have asked – along the lines of “Do you eat monkeys?”

Chris: I got an e-mail asking if we had electricity. Yeah.

Bethany: “Do you have like a refrigerator and like a washing machine?” I was like, “Yeah, we live in a city.” And she was like, “Ooooohhhh!”

Chad: I always had fun making up stories (laughter). I convinced someone that we rode yaks to school and we had to milk our yaks if we wanted to eat breakfast.

Chris: When [my sister's friend] came back to the US, she told all her friends, “Like, I had a little sister there, but she was eaten by cannibals.” They believed her (laughter).

Cherissa: I was at work, and somebody found out that I was a missionary kid to PNG and they're like, “That's in South America, right?” and I was like, “Noooo, that's just north of Australia,” and they're like, “But they do speak Spanish there, right?”

I think one of the challenges is the American church needs to have a broader view. Yet it can be draining for missionaries and missionary kids to have to be the ones providing that broader view, but yet it's part of their calling.

How did being an MK affect your spiritual life?

Chad: I don't know. I could tell it wasn't easy for my parents with so many problems in the church and people coming to church, and I guess just the last few years, my mom would always talk about that – “Our home is not here, our home is in heaven.” And that was always kind of encouraging. And just the faithfulness, how faithful my parents were and the core believers in our church were, no matter what happened. No matter if people came and betrayed us or anything, they were always faithful to what God said and to Christ.

Bethany: I said earlier my parents had a very strong focus – us kids were as much in ministry as they were. In Puerto Viejo my brother and sister were 16 and 17, and we had a huge youth group because they were that age. They attracted all the youth to them, and because they were directing the youth group, they were growing, because they were teaching and they were pulling other kids along and they were evangelizing and they were doing everything.

And now in Cuenca, that was the age I was at, so I was able to do that myself, also. My parents had such a strong focus on “this is as much your ministry as it is ours” that we just jumped in there. And we were seeking, we were growing to teach others. So, yeah, it was hard, but it helped a lot to have that focus of we need to reach people, too. It's our job as well.

Cherissa: I would say for me one of the biggest things was seeing God in a very real way, seeing him pull through on the mission field, watching the impact of his word being translated, and hearing stories about how it totally transformed people's lives and just being reminded again and again that God's word has impact in every single culture.

But also just going through transitions, coming back, having to depend totally on God when you don't really have any friends. And seeing the way God pulls through, you see God's faithfulness and it's like I have a track record with God – or God has a track record with me – and I know he's going to be faithful in the future.

Not all MK's view it (being an MK) as a positive, and for some it's a real negative.

Bethany: If I may be so bold to say, I thank my parents so, so very much because they never gave it a negative look, they never gave us even a reason or a thought to think that this is something bad, this is something un-fun, this is stupid. I mean, it wasn't their job, it was all of ours. I totally thank them for that because they just included us and made it so much a part of our lives, so much a part of our ministry, also, that it wasn't at all a bad experience.

What about culture shock?

Cherissa: I don't really remember that much from going. All I remember was one morning waking up and I had a dream about my grandma's house and I cried, but I had mom and dad so I was okay. Just going in and knowing you're going to have culture shock and acknowledging it helps a lot.

But try to have an attitude of one culture isn't better than another. Coming back, I didn't want to be an American, America was dumb. It was like PNG was awesome and amazing and all this stuff, and having that kind of an attitude doesn't help you adjust.

Why'd you think America was dumb?

Cherissa: I don't know – they're rich, they have lots of money, they're selfish. It's stereotypes and it's different, it's not what I grew up with, so I don't like it as much. You kind of have to get over that and say, you know, there's good everywhere. And just look for that.

Chris: I don't really remember having culture shock when I went over there, other than that everything was new. I don't quite remember a shock or anything. I remember when we were coming back there was a MacDonald's (sympathetic gasps from others) and – well, the beef over there is so dry – so I went to MacDonald's and got three or four quarter-pounders. I ate a whole bunch of good greasy meat.

We were driving around back here (others say, “Yes!”) and the roads were nice. For some reason I noticed that and I thought, 'You know, this place is, like, rich.' Rich! It was kind of shocking.

Chad: I pretty much grew up overseas. I didn't really have any kind of culture shock like that. But coming back over to the States, I notice in the cities you don't see a lot of people out on the streets, where in Turkey the sidewalks would be packed with people.

Bethany: The people in Ecuador are more friendly and warm. They're very physical also, so it feels different, being with people there and being with people here.

Was it difficult for you to make the transition? What kinds of things threw you?

Bethany: Just trying to get back into our church, or coming here and trying to fit into American life – it's hard. One thing I've found myself doing is I want to touch the girls – it would be just a hug – and a lot of them would be kind of like, “What are you doing?” There, girls will walk arm in arm all through town, the whole time, and I'll just grab somebody's arm to walk a little bit and it'll be like, “Aaaaaahhhh!”

And another thing, two years back we came back for a little bit and I went to the youth meeting at our church in Indiana, and they were sitting already and I walked in and nobody said hello to me. It was just a glance up, and two of my closer friends waved, but in Ecuador you go around and you kiss everybody on the cheek and everybody acknowledges you. So I was just like, “Aaaaaah! I'm here! Hel-lo!” and it was a kind of slap in the face.

Chad: In Turkey, I was used to that, too. If you come to someone's house and everyone's sitting around, everyone stands up and shakes your hand and you greet each other. Coming over here it's just different. There's still the feeling of respect but I guess they don't show it more outwardly. I remember one time playing video games with my friends. We were all lying on the ground and one of their parents came in and I just kind of instinctively jumped up on my feet and said hi or whatever, and I looked around and everyone else was still immersed and I was like, “Wow, I'm not in Turkey anymore!”

What can churches do to be supportive of missionary families when they're coming back?

Cherissa: I think one of the big things is listen to your story. Everyone needs a place to talk somewhere, and if you're coming back and you feel like nobody understands and nobody cares, that's really important. When somebody's coming back, the very first friends that you're making, that's all you've got. There were times when I would go to youth group and I had a few casual friends, and I would wish I could tell them: “You guys are like my closest friends and I hardly know you!” I think people just don't get that – what it means to start over completely. But just showing you care and you want to listen is a really big thing.

Bethany: It's hard for young people to be a friend. But it means a lot if you feel welcome and wanted there when you come back.

Chad: Be open-minded toward us. When people take a genuine interest in you – that always means a lot.

What would you tell parents or families with children who are going into missions?

Cherissa: I would say the majority of missionary kids love it. There's a few that [think] “How could you do that to me and deprive me?” But especially if you're younger, the kids thrive on it and they don't regret that experience. And I would say that's generally probably the experience of missionaries, too. But realize that it's a challenge. And also, one of the things that I've heard said is, “You think it's hard to go, but it's going to be a lot harder to come back.”

Because you're supposed to belong and you used to belong and now, you don't feel like you do. When [you are] overseas, you realize that in a sense you become a part of that culture but you are different, whereas here, you're different because of your past, but you're supposed to be the same. And that's a really big thing.

Bethany: Don't be afraid to let your kids be immersed in the culture. Just totally involve them. As much as you can, give them a ministry, also. That will help them and your church – kids attract kids.

For a student's perspective on what our MK's had to say at an RBC Coffee Shop Forum, check out Philip Troyer's article, “Stories That Challenge.”